Dane Cook Stole My Material

And I can prove it!

OK, I like Dane Cook. I wouldn't say I'm a fan. I don't buy his CDs or follow his career, but I like the guy.

Many of you may know he hosted Saturday Night Live this weekend, which is still a mystery to me considering he's not promoting a TV show or movie or even a DVD release.

In place of an opening monologue he did about 10 minutes of his comedy routine. His material. His set. In any case, not one, but TWO of his jokes are clearly my material. My routine. My set. He stole them!

Case and point: remember my brilliant idea for monkey photographers? Remember how I mentioned how horrible and awkward it is to leave someone out of the photo? Dane Cook stole that from me. He blatantly stole that. Granted, he made no mention of monkeys (thank God), but all the same. I think I should start copyrighting my stuff.

He also stole my shoe anecdote. I tell this one all the time. Once I went to Dillards and wanted to try on like five pairs of tennis shoes in a size 8. The shoe associate came back with five pairs of size 7 shoes and said "Well we don't have 8s, but I brought you 7s." That's ludacris. I don't wear 7s. I wear 8s. Why would he bring 7s? What a waste! Dane Cook stole this entire story verbatim except he changed tennis shoes to boots. Lame.

Next time I host SNL I am going to expose this guy for all he's worth. Who's with me?